Dressed to Kill
by sakachan
Summary: Yuki breaks it off with Shuichi. *sniffle* A month later, is he feeling regret? Pairings: YukixShuichi Warnings: Yaoi, sadness, angst, blah blah blah


Disclaimers: 'Gravitation' doesn't belong to me (no matter how much I pray to the gods to let me have them all to myself! ^.^). I thank a friend of mine for getting me interested in it, and also blame her for getting me hooked to it. A plague, a plague on both your houses! *cough cough* Just kidding! I swear! ^^;;  
  
"Dressed to Kill" is property of the hotties of New Found Glory. Listen to their stuff! Guys, sorry for horribly misusing your lyrics like this. I'll give you my first-born if you let it pass. (So now that's the 7th person I sign my first-born off to? Better have septuplets).  
  
Listening to a CD my beta lent me, I heard this song, and new right off the bat it applied to the wonderful boys of "Gravitation." May I introduce you to my first (posted) Gravitation. That means I want lots of C & C!! You know the warnings and all that jazz, so enjoy!  
  
  
  
Dressed to Kill  
  
  
  
[Yuki POV]  
  
2:30 AM, Friday Night. Well, actually, Saturday morning. But it doesn't matter. I find myself sitting alone like this late at night everyday. I don't even remember when I last took a shower and went to work.  
  
  
  
//I know it's hard for you  
  
To understand what I'm going through  
  
But now I sit here to remind myself//  
  
  
  
Why, you may ask, do I sit here all alone in the dark? That's easy: I forgot to pay the electricity bill, and the electric company turned off all my power. It doesn't matter, though. Nothing really matters, not after he left.  
  
Don't be mistaken' it wasn't his idea to leave, it was mine. I acted so cold and cruel, telling him to leave, refusing to speak to him until he did. Why did I do it? Actually, I really don't know. Given, he annoyed me on occasion, but considering everything else he's gone through because of me, I had no right to do that to him.  
  
  
  
//You're always dressed to kill  
  
And you feel like you owe it to the world  
  
But you owe it to yourself//  
  
  
  
Being annoying was his only major flaw. His other flaw was putting too much focus on the problem of others, and not enough focus on his own life. He felt like it was his duty to take the problems of his friends and even total strangers and put them on himself. It was wearing him down, making him lose himself. I couldn't take it at times, and we'd start fighting over it.  
  
Maybe that's what really drove him away?. . .  
  
  
  
//And you're not here  
  
And I can't stop pretending  
  
That you're forever mine. . . and I//  
  
  
  
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I always thought Shuichi and I would be together forever. I know it sounds corny, but it's true. He's the only person who's been able to take so much crap from me and still come running back.  
  
Hah, I guess he won't be coming back now.  
  
  
  
//I can't dream anymore since you left  
  
I miss you singing me to sleep  
  
I can't wake anymore in your arms  
  
I miss you singing me to sleep//  
  
  
  
What I miss most about him, though, is waking up in the morning to find him still asleep in my arms. He looked so innocent, so naive (which was usually proven quite wrong the night before). And I miss his humming as he fell asleep after a long day. It would always relax me for some reason. He really does have the voice of an angel.  
  
Since Shuichi left, I haven't been sleeping very well, which should be obvious enough considering how late I stay up. But it's not just that. While he was still around, I always the most wonderful dreams that would leave me feeling happy and fulfilled by dawn. Now, I'm only haunted by terrifying nightmares that leave me in a cold sleep. I usually go days without sleep because of it.  
  
God. . . why did I chase the only good thing in my life away?!  
  
  
  
//Cheer up my friends all say  
  
You're better alone anyway  
  
But you're always on tour  
  
And you're never home//  
  
  
  
[Shuichi POV]  
  
It's been almost a month since Yuki told me to leave. To leave his house, his life. I didn't cry as I walked through the door with my head held high. And I didn't even cry as I walked around the corner, away from his apartment building. But the second his building was out of reach, I fell to my knees and bawled like a child who has lost his favorite toy.  
  
Hiro found me like that about three hours later. He took me to his place, tried to get me to eat, but I just wasn't hungry. He didn't trust me by myself, so he let me stay with him for a bit.  
  
I don't know why, but I've been focusing on Bad Luck now. Maybe it's so I can forget about Yuki for a while. I don't really want to forget him, but I need to concentrate on my career. It feels like me and the guys are always playing at some club or show. They do their best to cheer me up, tell me that I'm better off without a hitch.  
  
Why don't I believe them?  
  
  
  
//I'm always dressed to kill  
  
And I feel like I owe it to the world  
  
But I owe it to myself//  
  
  
  
I've also tried looking more into the personal problems of the people around me. I know I do that too much anyway, but it's a distraction, and I can't seem to get enough of those lately.  
  
Maybe that's why I'm alone. Because I worried about other people so much that I couldn't see the problems coming up between me and Yuki. We're complete opposites if you look at it closely enough: I'm a songwriter, he's a romance novelist. I sing, he doesn't really like music too much. I'm always trying to cheer people up, he prefers to leave people to themselves. There's no chance it would have ever really worked.  
  
  
  
//And you're, you're not here  
  
And I can't stop pretending  
  
That you're forever mine. . . and I//  
  
  
  
Still, I hoped that I had found "The One." Through all the suffering and the trials, we still remained strong. I thought it would only get better, that we would be happy finally as we grew old together. But I guess I was just off one another one of my romantic tangents. Maybe I'm just not meant to be with anyone. . .  
  
  
  
//I can't dream anymore since you left  
  
I miss you singing me to sleep  
  
I can't wake anymore in your arms  
  
I miss you singing me to sleep//  
  
  
  
It's the little things I remember about Yuki that make life hard to bear. Like in the morning, I would wake up, and find Yuki smiling at me, watching me as I slept. Now I just wake up to the cushions of the couch in Hiro's living room. And the way Yuki would start singing in the shower whenever he thought I had already left. It was so cute the way he remembered all of my songs.  
  
I often find myself staying up all night, just staring at the ceiling and thinking about him. It bugs me, the way he can so easily enter my thoughts. I eventually have to cry myself to sleep. But that just sparks up the horrible nightmares. I don't know which is worse anymore!  
  
  
  
//Cheer up my friends all say. . .  
  
And I can't stop pretending  
  
That you're forever mine  
  
You're better alone anyway  
  
And you're not here, not here//  
  
  
  
[Yuki POV]  
  
Shuichi's better off without me. All the pain I've caused him, I can't understand why he kept coming back. I've only hurt everyone I love, I even told him that. He didn't listen, though. He refused to believe it.  
  
Well, Shuichi, guess I proved you wrong.  
  
  
  
//Cheer up my friends all say. . .//  
  
  
  
Owari  
  
What do you think? Tell me, I beg you! Trust me, I have nothing better to do than read your comments and write, and I'm running out of ideas for stories! So PLEASE!! *on hands and knees, doe eyes pushed to full power* 


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